Bill thinks it’s a phase and that they’ll disappear like the last time. He says they’ll never reach us. I don’t share the sentiment. Last time they came so close that I could smell their pungent odor. They smelled like rubber and the souls of my ancestors.
When I was four years old, I watched my mother’s brutal murder. I wasn’t allowed to turn away. I watched as they killed her and as they chopped up her still-living parts. I don't really want to think about it now. I would try to forget it, but I still live in the place where she died. I just can’t seem to leave.
They came to our homes in Amani when I was little. I was too young; I wasn’t ready. I’m old enough now and I can only hope that They don’t return. They left a few of us alone destined to be orphaned forever. I wish I started off as an orphan like my buddy, Bill.
The ground is still a wasteland. Desolate.
I really love the way you've written this. The short sentences displays the urgency of the situation, and how the character is feeling about the situation. Telling of the "personal experience" really works in your favor because it adds so much more emotion to the piece as well.
ReplyDeleteThis is so great and creative! I'm so excited to hear the rest of this because knowing that your characters are actually trees is such an interesting twist, but if I had not known and just assumed they were actual people talking about all these murders, I would still be interested. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteSuch a unique idea to tell the story of deforestation from this perspective. Didn't remember that at first, so I thought the speaker's human mother had been murdered, morbid stuff man. This piece is so creative and I can't wait to read the finished product!
ReplyDeleteIs this a zombie apocalypse? If it is, I'll be so pumped to read this (I'll still be even if it's not). I loved the first person perspective, and I think you did a good job capturing the fear and the tension in this scene. Great job so far!
ReplyDeleteThis sounds absolutely amazing. It's so great that you coul think of something this creative. I loved it. I definitely don't get the idea that it's going to be a tree later on, so that's a fantastic plot twist. Great job, Kelly.
ReplyDeleteYour concept for this piece is really unique! If I didn't already know it was about deforestation, I wouldn't be able to guess the plot twist of the piece. I like the use of perspective, and the hints towards the ending.
ReplyDeleteI am so excited for this. There are no words to describe it. This section is so awesome and full of emotion and description. You did an awesome job here with mixing the physical description and the emotional description to create a full image. I also love the fact that you made this first person and that it feels like I am looking through the eyes of a human. It sounds so brutal despite the fact that it's through the perspective of a tree. Awesome, awesome job.
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